People kept on telling me that one needs to grieve. I kept on telling people that I didn’t need to grieve; I needed to celebrate.
There are so very many things that I need to be grateful for, but most of all (right now) is the fact that I had the honour to have known, loved and lived with one of the most remarkable people in the Universe. Over the last month-and-a-bit, I’ve discovered this fact again and again and again. Each time I was looking for a piece of information, a file, a business card or an old email … there they were, exactly where he had put them.
Slowly the wheel of life turns and one gets to the point where things need to be dealt with such as banks, insurance, investments and all that boring stuff. Other things needed to be put away, sorted, given to charity, given to friends, cataloging those antiques and updating the photographic library. I’ve started doing all of that stuff but then I realised it was time to start putting the house in order. The kitchen, in particular, has been (still is!) in need of a really deep clean but I had to start somewhere. And I did – with one cupboard!
The wheelchair and the rolling walker have been sitting out on the back patio for three days and I just couldn’t bring myself to deal with them. This morning I decided it was time to stop being such a wimp. First though, I had to get all the other stuff out of the storeroom in order to put the big items in right at the back. And that’s when it happened.
As I pushed the wheelchair into place against the far wall I suddenly couldn’t breathe. Every breath I took ended in a sob … well, I’m not going to go there any more. And please be assured that I’m not writing this to ask for any sympathy – you have given me that already, in buckets! More to be grateful for.
The reason I’m relating this is simply to acknowledge the fact that I’m human after all. Since Donald passed on, I have not been able to cry and I’ve almost come to see myself as that automaton that just needed its batteries changed every now and again. Well, I’m relieved to have come to the opposite conclusion! There is life in this old heart after all. In fact, so much life that my heart is (virtually) bursting with excitement.
Which brings me to a small announcement : As soon as I’m really cleaned up and sorted, I’ll be starting on my next novel. There is a lovely germ of an idea percolating on the back burner. Let me just give you a small taster here: CERN in Switzerland has lost out – I found the God Particle!
And just before I forget : Paphos – my hometown – has won the 2017 Culture Capital of Europe nomination. Wow! There is work to be done here …
And on that note, I shall bid you a fond farewell – until next time.